We spent the weekend collecting all the last bits and pieces for baby, like cots and buggys and nappies. God came with us, although it didn't feel like it at the time... when we finally made it to Ikea on Saturday evening, the cot we'd decided we wanted wasn't in stock! Grrr. So we had to choose a different one, and then we had to choose a different changing table as a result.
But, yesterday, when we were (well, Steve was) building the stuff, we realised that if we'd bought the cot and dresser that we originally wanted it would have fitted in the space available but wouldn't have been very practical as it had drawers which would have been particularly awkward to open.
Good job that cot wasn't in stock...
So yet again our bedroom is a bit of a squeeze. It's possible to get round everywhere, which is pretty amazing really, but there's no room now for being messy. (Just you watch though, we'll find a way to be messy.)
I think all the rushing round and the lurgy and various other things over the past few weeks finally caught up with me yesterday afternoon. I had a few horrible moments: fighting off panic about the reality of nearly being a parent, and then wondering if baby would love me. And in the evening, after a beautifully relaxing afternoon in the teashop, I found myself panicking again - baby will be here in 3 weeks' time. We're going to be parents. I nearly cried. I can't imagine what it's going to be like. I feel like the not being prepared materially has been masking the horrible feeling of not being at all prepared mentally - but now we've got all the material paraphernalia, there's no hiding any more from the realisation that with every moment, we get a moment closer to being parents. Will we be good parents? Will we "bond" with baby? What will baby be like, will he be a screamer or a giggler? Just how exhausted are we going to be? Panic....
You can prepare as much as you like, materially; but there's no amount of preparation can prepare you mentally and psychologically for the reality of becoming a parent for the first time. Steve and I have been married a month and a half shy of 8 years, and with the 2 years that we were dating before that makes nearly a decade of it just being the two of us. We've had great fun: we've lived, we've learnt, we've loved - we've enjoyed life together. And all of a sudden, it's going to be 3. Ok so baby's technically here already - he's wriggling around in my belly making his presence known, but within a month he's going to be announcing his presence to the world wherever we go. Our whole world is going to change. I was talking to my dad last week, he remembers when I was born - their whole world changed, turned upside down, everything revolved around me instead of around themselves.
That's quite a big change, especially if you've spent the last 10 years just the two of you.
But then, thinking about it, maybe sometimes our brains are wired up for this kind of thing. For the first 3rd of my life, my life was about me and it took time to learn that it wasn't just about me. The second 3rd of my life was about how I fitted in to the rest of my little world, and discovering boys. Relationships became important, I didn't want to be just me, I wanted to be part of a relationship. This last 3rd of my life so far has been in the context of an amazing relationship with the man I love, my life has been shared.
I can't imagine what it's going to be like to share my life with a little man as well...
I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Blessed be Your Name
"Blessed be Your Name, when the sun's shining down on me,
When the world's all as it should be,
Blessed be Your Name.
Blessed be Your Name, on the road marked with suffering,
When there's pain in the offering,
Blessed be Your Name.
EVERY blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise,
When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say
Blessed be the Name of the Lord....."
So often there's a whole lot more emphasis put on the second half of the song, the bits about still praising God even though things are difficult and I think it's almost like people wear suffering as a badge of honour - it shouldn't be like that.
God is good, all the time. ALL the time.
That includes when He's, well, good!
So often we forget to give God thanks and praise for the good things that He has done, almost as if it were going to upset people that God has actually been nice to us for a change.
God certainly does bring us through tough times (note: He doesn't cause, but brings us through) in order that our faith may be made stronger, our characters developed and matured.
But God also knows how to give good things to His children!
I really believe that as a people of God we've got to learn to not be shy about publicly giving thanks to God for the good things that He's done - for the blatantly obvious good things that He's done, not just the obliquely good things that He's done through our suffering.
Right now, I am thankful for...
This cottage that we live in
A bed that doesn't bounce every time one of us rolls over
A healthy bump
An amazing antenatal care team
Good friends and a new family here in the South
Being planted
Breakfast!
When the world's all as it should be,
Blessed be Your Name.
Blessed be Your Name, on the road marked with suffering,
When there's pain in the offering,
Blessed be Your Name.
EVERY blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise,
When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say
Blessed be the Name of the Lord....."
So often there's a whole lot more emphasis put on the second half of the song, the bits about still praising God even though things are difficult and I think it's almost like people wear suffering as a badge of honour - it shouldn't be like that.
God is good, all the time. ALL the time.
That includes when He's, well, good!
So often we forget to give God thanks and praise for the good things that He has done, almost as if it were going to upset people that God has actually been nice to us for a change.
God certainly does bring us through tough times (note: He doesn't cause, but brings us through) in order that our faith may be made stronger, our characters developed and matured.
But God also knows how to give good things to His children!
I really believe that as a people of God we've got to learn to not be shy about publicly giving thanks to God for the good things that He's done - for the blatantly obvious good things that He's done, not just the obliquely good things that He's done through our suffering.
Right now, I am thankful for...
This cottage that we live in
A bed that doesn't bounce every time one of us rolls over
A healthy bump
An amazing antenatal care team
Good friends and a new family here in the South
Being planted
Breakfast!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
It's 4am and yet again...
... I am downstairs with a bowl of cereal.
I have to have this bowl of cereal at this time of night, to stop myself from having a mild hypo during the night. Something to do with the current amount of slow-release insulin I'm on. Needs adjusting. Again. At least I'm doing enough blood sugar testing to be able to talk to the nurse with some useful figures, so we can adjust the dose accordingly.
It's not as if it's difficult to wake up either - all I need to do is have a drink before I go to bed and hey presto I wake up at 3.30am needing the loo.
Bit fed up.
Another I'm fed up about is that I've just stocked up on chocolatey cereal, this having been my staple food for the past 6 months, only to have - within a matter of days - my tastebuds change again. Hurrah that I'm back on healthy cereal again but now what am I going to do with all these boxes of chocolatey rubbish? They're far too sweet all of a sudden.
And finally. I appear to be developing a cough.
Could do with some of that healing blessing really.
Failing that, a hug would be nice.
xx
I have to have this bowl of cereal at this time of night, to stop myself from having a mild hypo during the night. Something to do with the current amount of slow-release insulin I'm on. Needs adjusting. Again. At least I'm doing enough blood sugar testing to be able to talk to the nurse with some useful figures, so we can adjust the dose accordingly.
It's not as if it's difficult to wake up either - all I need to do is have a drink before I go to bed and hey presto I wake up at 3.30am needing the loo.
Bit fed up.
Another I'm fed up about is that I've just stocked up on chocolatey cereal, this having been my staple food for the past 6 months, only to have - within a matter of days - my tastebuds change again. Hurrah that I'm back on healthy cereal again but now what am I going to do with all these boxes of chocolatey rubbish? They're far too sweet all of a sudden.
And finally. I appear to be developing a cough.
Could do with some of that healing blessing really.
Failing that, a hug would be nice.
xx
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Praying for an early baby
At the last antenatal appointment I raised the issue of being induced and what my chances of it happening were.
In a nutshell, diabetic pregnancies, if left to go full term, have a much higher risk of stillbirth and the team understandably would rather not put me or baby at risk.
So...
If baby doesn't decide he wants out early, we'll be induced at probably 38 weeks although the actual "date" will be decided at our final appointment at 36 weeks.
And, as these things go, if we're induced we set off down the slippery slope of medical intervention and the possibility of ending up with a c-section goes up to 50%.
So here's the prayer request - that baby decides that he wants out at 37 weeks!
I want to be able to see the team during and after a normal birth and say that the reason baby is so perfect and healthy and hasn't had to be induced is because God's been involved all the way through. So I've not had the pleasantest of pregnancies but baby doesn't seem to have noticed.
I know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him" and I know that God uses our circumstances to bring about good things.
I've had the best care out of all the pregnant women I'm currently in contact with, mainly because I'm diabetic. But I don't believe that God would just stop there. There's so much opportunity for Him to show His power and grace and love through these circumstances... and I just hope that He decides that a natural birth would be the best way for this!
In a nutshell, diabetic pregnancies, if left to go full term, have a much higher risk of stillbirth and the team understandably would rather not put me or baby at risk.
So...
If baby doesn't decide he wants out early, we'll be induced at probably 38 weeks although the actual "date" will be decided at our final appointment at 36 weeks.
And, as these things go, if we're induced we set off down the slippery slope of medical intervention and the possibility of ending up with a c-section goes up to 50%.
So here's the prayer request - that baby decides that he wants out at 37 weeks!
I want to be able to see the team during and after a normal birth and say that the reason baby is so perfect and healthy and hasn't had to be induced is because God's been involved all the way through. So I've not had the pleasantest of pregnancies but baby doesn't seem to have noticed.
I know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him" and I know that God uses our circumstances to bring about good things.
I've had the best care out of all the pregnant women I'm currently in contact with, mainly because I'm diabetic. But I don't believe that God would just stop there. There's so much opportunity for Him to show His power and grace and love through these circumstances... and I just hope that He decides that a natural birth would be the best way for this!
Monday, September 08, 2008
Travel Systems Are Go!
We bought a travel system at the weekend. It's not red, to match the car - upon serious reflection we decided that red could get quite wearing. So we've gone for a sensible black and grey combination. I think it may well be the first time we've been sensible in a long time.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
I still can't believe it's....
...September. Where has this year gone to?! I'm also quite amazed at how Autumn arrived with the first of the month. It's so definitely autumn now, isn't it. Colder. The leaves on the conker tree outside the window are turning.
My head is chock full of baby stuff at the moment, spilling over from yesterday's expedition to the first antenatal class. Hopefully it'll all have dissipated by next Thursday so I can learn it all again. It's amazing what you can cover quickly in 5 hours. Yes, five hours. Thankfully only this first session was a long one, the rest are all 2 hour sessions in the evenings which might be a bit more manageable. Only thing was, yesterday, Stephen wasn't able to come with me. Apart from really being short on holidays (antenatal appointments at various hospitals have been eating away at them) an amp they were testing at work blew up on Thursday so he had no choice in the matter - he had to stay at work Friday. All the other partners had come along though... I felt a little bit lonely, to say the least. Only cried once though, was quite proud of myself for keeping my composure that long.
Anyway. Now officially on admin duties at work and, although I never ever thought I'd ever say this, I am LOVING it. Brain is being tested, all the old information I'd learnt years ago is being dragged out and used again, and the best bit is that I'm creating systems from scratch rather than just sitting there putting garbage in and getting garbage out.
Lovin' it.
Even the "filing", what there is of it. 2 folders. VAT and non-VAT. I can cope with that I think.
Although it does mean that I'm not on the shop floor talking to all the lovely old ladies and eating fruit all afternoon. Next week I'll have to remember to tear myself away from the computer a couple of times.
Steve's gone out on his bike with Julian this morning in the sogginess - there's another one who'll need hosing down before he comes anywhere near the house - so some peace and quiet and bubblebath time for me until he gets back. And then - joy of joys - travelsystem shopping. Can you believe my DAD corrected me after I called them prams. But it's not all bad - Steve's parents have sent us a little financial gift for said travelsystem, which should more than cover the cost...!
Travelsystem.
And it's got to be red, to match the car.
Of course.
My head is chock full of baby stuff at the moment, spilling over from yesterday's expedition to the first antenatal class. Hopefully it'll all have dissipated by next Thursday so I can learn it all again. It's amazing what you can cover quickly in 5 hours. Yes, five hours. Thankfully only this first session was a long one, the rest are all 2 hour sessions in the evenings which might be a bit more manageable. Only thing was, yesterday, Stephen wasn't able to come with me. Apart from really being short on holidays (antenatal appointments at various hospitals have been eating away at them) an amp they were testing at work blew up on Thursday so he had no choice in the matter - he had to stay at work Friday. All the other partners had come along though... I felt a little bit lonely, to say the least. Only cried once though, was quite proud of myself for keeping my composure that long.
Anyway. Now officially on admin duties at work and, although I never ever thought I'd ever say this, I am LOVING it. Brain is being tested, all the old information I'd learnt years ago is being dragged out and used again, and the best bit is that I'm creating systems from scratch rather than just sitting there putting garbage in and getting garbage out.
Lovin' it.
Even the "filing", what there is of it. 2 folders. VAT and non-VAT. I can cope with that I think.
Although it does mean that I'm not on the shop floor talking to all the lovely old ladies and eating fruit all afternoon. Next week I'll have to remember to tear myself away from the computer a couple of times.
Steve's gone out on his bike with Julian this morning in the sogginess - there's another one who'll need hosing down before he comes anywhere near the house - so some peace and quiet and bubblebath time for me until he gets back. And then - joy of joys - travelsystem shopping. Can you believe my DAD corrected me after I called them prams. But it's not all bad - Steve's parents have sent us a little financial gift for said travelsystem, which should more than cover the cost...!
Travelsystem.
And it's got to be red, to match the car.
Of course.
Monday, September 01, 2008
This Weekend...
... has been amazing. Incredible. We are so blessed to have found an amazing family here in Sussex! We got home quite late Friday night from Wales, and all the plans for tidying up and sorting things out went out of the window. So, when Libby phoned and asked if there was anything they could do preparation-wise as Nathaniel had a really bad cough and they wouldn't be going to the airshow, the sense of relief was huge! Saturday morning came along with trauma as we had no milk (and therefore I couldn't have my weetos) and my stomach decided it didn't like anything else I tried to feed it with. But as it turned out this meant that I had the house to myself for an hour and a half, to have a bath and write out the destructions for what needed preparing for the barbecue. And Libby and Julian outdid themselves - when we got back after the airshow, the Gardener and Chef Wray had done EVERYTHING - and we all had a brilliant evening barbecue followed by a waterfight, courtesy of some incredibly small yet powerful water pistols I'd bought for partybags!
A selection of photos at the end of this blog.
The airshow itself was brilliant, I was so absorbed watching the planes and enjoying the sunshine that I forgot to take any pictures, so hopefully Steve will let me put some of his on here later! At the end of the show we decided that we wanted to buy a remote-controlled helicopter (I had mentioned that I'd wanted to buy one for Steve for his birthday, but didn't know which one to buy and would rather he chose it himself) so we have bought Airwolf as a joint birthday present between us. It's finally working - Steve had fiddled and fixed and made it work, and yesterday the boys were playing with the helicopter and the Wii while us girls had tea on the lawn - the rain stopped long enough for us to have our cucumber sandwiches and scones and jam and cream and cupcakes and jelly babies and strawberries and tea in pots and posh cutlery and crockery outside on the lawn! What a perfect weekend. And we'd bought so much meat and vegetables for Saturday's barbecue that there was still enough left for a second (indoor) barbecue on Sunday after the baby shower / helicopter playingness.
What a weekend. And the presents people have given baby - Steve and I have been so touched by peoples' generosity and thoughtfulness but of particular overwhelmingness was the gifts from mum Entwistle's work colleagues. It's evidence of how much they love HER that they put together this enormous cellophane-wrapped parcel of baby bits and pieces for her son and daughter-in-law that they hardly know! I was so overwhelmed that I started crying and had to go and compose myself before heading off to the Shower proper.
Anyway, here's a selection of photographs from the weekend.
First - the airshow. More photos will be added later once they've been retrieved from the camera.
These guys are the RAF parachute display team. They freefall from so many miles up, and stay in such close co-ordination, performing twists and turns and all sorts, and land within meters of each other at the end of it.
I took many photographs of these guys and then become so absorbed in the rest of the show that I forgot to take any more pictures! I used Steve's camera a couple of times though, we'll see how those photos come out.
And the baby shower...
Cucumber sandwiches, scones and jam and cream, and strawberries....
I had to put these next three in together. How many attempts does it take to get 6 people to all not pull silly faces at the same time?!
Is my tiara on straight?
The enormous wrapped parcel from the girls at St Anns Hospice where Steve's mum works.
And some of the presents. I was gnashing my teeth at the thought of teething.
This one had me worried. I am still at the point where the thing I am least looking forward to over the next two months is the prospect of someone else having to cut my toenails for me. Labour - not a worry, yet anyway. Toenails - freaking out slightly. So the realisation that I'm going to have to cut my baby's nails REALLY has me worried...
A selection of photos at the end of this blog.
The airshow itself was brilliant, I was so absorbed watching the planes and enjoying the sunshine that I forgot to take any pictures, so hopefully Steve will let me put some of his on here later! At the end of the show we decided that we wanted to buy a remote-controlled helicopter (I had mentioned that I'd wanted to buy one for Steve for his birthday, but didn't know which one to buy and would rather he chose it himself) so we have bought Airwolf as a joint birthday present between us. It's finally working - Steve had fiddled and fixed and made it work, and yesterday the boys were playing with the helicopter and the Wii while us girls had tea on the lawn - the rain stopped long enough for us to have our cucumber sandwiches and scones and jam and cream and cupcakes and jelly babies and strawberries and tea in pots and posh cutlery and crockery outside on the lawn! What a perfect weekend. And we'd bought so much meat and vegetables for Saturday's barbecue that there was still enough left for a second (indoor) barbecue on Sunday after the baby shower / helicopter playingness.
What a weekend. And the presents people have given baby - Steve and I have been so touched by peoples' generosity and thoughtfulness but of particular overwhelmingness was the gifts from mum Entwistle's work colleagues. It's evidence of how much they love HER that they put together this enormous cellophane-wrapped parcel of baby bits and pieces for her son and daughter-in-law that they hardly know! I was so overwhelmed that I started crying and had to go and compose myself before heading off to the Shower proper.
Anyway, here's a selection of photographs from the weekend.
First - the airshow. More photos will be added later once they've been retrieved from the camera.
These guys are the RAF parachute display team. They freefall from so many miles up, and stay in such close co-ordination, performing twists and turns and all sorts, and land within meters of each other at the end of it.
I took many photographs of these guys and then become so absorbed in the rest of the show that I forgot to take any more pictures! I used Steve's camera a couple of times though, we'll see how those photos come out.
And the baby shower...
Cucumber sandwiches, scones and jam and cream, and strawberries....
I had to put these next three in together. How many attempts does it take to get 6 people to all not pull silly faces at the same time?!
Is my tiara on straight?
The enormous wrapped parcel from the girls at St Anns Hospice where Steve's mum works.
And some of the presents. I was gnashing my teeth at the thought of teething.
This one had me worried. I am still at the point where the thing I am least looking forward to over the next two months is the prospect of someone else having to cut my toenails for me. Labour - not a worry, yet anyway. Toenails - freaking out slightly. So the realisation that I'm going to have to cut my baby's nails REALLY has me worried...
On Holiday with the Batty Fatty
That's Steve's new nickname for me for the duration. I think he's decided that I'm more batty than he realised, or maybe he's just not seen the extent of the battiness for some time and this past week has just allowed him to see it again...
And of course the fatty bit relates to the obvious protrusion which he swears grows by the day. It probably does. We measured me again last night but according to the tape measure I've not grown for 2 weeks. Steve doesn't trust the tape measure.
We have had the most lovely relaxing holiday in South Wales. The weather wasn't great, we only had sunshine on the Sunday, but to be able to relax and spend time together and talk and laugh and snuggle and just chill out was so much needed.
We walked on the beach and got sand in our toes and dipped our feet in the sea, we went for walks along the promenade at Mumbles, talking about everything and nothing and laughing until we (well mainly I) thought I was going to embarrass myself, we explored Oystermouth Castle, we drove to the Worm's Head and I chickened out from walking a way up to the Head because there was a BBC camera crew filming pieces about the erosion of the coastline (and laughed so much in the process of chickening out that I nearly embarrassed myself again), Steve went on a bike ride and came home three hours later with the bottom half of his bike completely caked in mud, we went out for (second) breakfast and I had hash browns in a cafe/shop called Treasure, we people-watched from the safety (and warmth) of the beach-side cafe, we played boules on the beach and didn't want to come home.
Photos
Our chalet
First day at the beach
The train along the promenade at Mumbles
Oystermouth Castle
Satisfying cravings...
Boules on the beach
And of course the fatty bit relates to the obvious protrusion which he swears grows by the day. It probably does. We measured me again last night but according to the tape measure I've not grown for 2 weeks. Steve doesn't trust the tape measure.
We have had the most lovely relaxing holiday in South Wales. The weather wasn't great, we only had sunshine on the Sunday, but to be able to relax and spend time together and talk and laugh and snuggle and just chill out was so much needed.
We walked on the beach and got sand in our toes and dipped our feet in the sea, we went for walks along the promenade at Mumbles, talking about everything and nothing and laughing until we (well mainly I) thought I was going to embarrass myself, we explored Oystermouth Castle, we drove to the Worm's Head and I chickened out from walking a way up to the Head because there was a BBC camera crew filming pieces about the erosion of the coastline (and laughed so much in the process of chickening out that I nearly embarrassed myself again), Steve went on a bike ride and came home three hours later with the bottom half of his bike completely caked in mud, we went out for (second) breakfast and I had hash browns in a cafe/shop called Treasure, we people-watched from the safety (and warmth) of the beach-side cafe, we played boules on the beach and didn't want to come home.
Photos
Our chalet
First day at the beach
The train along the promenade at Mumbles
Oystermouth Castle
Satisfying cravings...
Boules on the beach
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)