Realisation....

Had a realisation once I'd written all that down, that the first step to any kind of healing is to admit what the problem is... although it does help to know what the problem is before you can admit anything!

Steve's just been through a similar kind of thing, he realised that he has spent the last year and a half hiding from a problem (with dyslexia) instead of dealing with it - and after breaking down on Wednesday morning he's now in such a better place because instead of the problem being this monster that he's avoided it's now being dealt with and there's all sorts of people helping and providing all the support that he needs.

And I've spent the last couple of months hiding from the fact that we're having a boy - I declared that I didn't want to tell anyone "because we'll be inundated with cutesy blue junk" but was just avoiding dealing with the problem.

Problem.

What a daft thing to call it...

Anyway.

I DO love bumpy, how could I not :) I won't love him any less because he's a he and not a she, I'm quite attached to him - more than I ever expected I would be. It's just that expecting a girl for 9 years and then finding out you're getting a boy is not something that can easily be dealt with in a couple of months! But at least the healing has started.

I actually went out and bought specifically boy things for him this afternoon, and Steve loves them. Yes they're blue, but they're not unbearably cute :) Stephen has been amazing, he completely understands how I feel and especially since he's just been through his own rough patch this week he knows the whole hiding from issues scenario.

In some ways, thinking about this more rationally, I'm kind of glad our first is a boy... I was looking forward to and expecting a girl, but I'm not such a girly girl and the thought of all things pink and fluffy frightens me to death!!! Maybe I'll have softened and changed by the time we ever have a girl :)

The healing begins.

And I've even started looking at names in a more positive fashion :)