Miracles

It's been a fraught couple of weeks. It's just over 2 weeks since we're been back in the UK.
By Saturday we realised that we desperately needed some kind of financial miracle if we were to stay afloat, and after a few tears of frustration (on my part) we agreed to pray and then not let fear spoil our day. Needless to say, money played on our minds quite a lot during Saturday.

Sunday came and I was still praying for a miracle. However it was great to soak in God's presence during the morning. Kofi spoke about the Holy Spirit in us, and how we should be the same Holy-Spirit-filled people whether we are at church, at home, at work or at the shops. It's so easy to believe on a Sunday, isn't it, when you are surrounded by so much wonderfully infectious and encouraging faith.

I went forward for prayer after Rachel Cole spoke how God was in the business of miracles. God's word to me was that it would happen that day, and then that word was sealed. I had already read my notebook that morning, which reminded me that God already knows all our needs (He wants us to acknowledge His involvement in our lives, and how He is our provider). So, after all that, in faith, we put what money we had left in the collection, having been reminded again of God's faith with regard to giving and receiving.

I struggled so much on Monday morning. I'd not been able to know whether the miracle had happened or not. I didn't know what to think: whether to even wonder if it had happened, just because I couldn't see any evidence of it. Had God provided for us? There was no envelope stuffed full of money on the doorstep when we got up, miraculously left there at the precise instant of our praying; there were no offers of financial gifts or loans. So, had God answered? Had He heard? Was He even there at all? My faith was hanging by a thread, and I couldn't even figure out the right thing to think. Although I knew in my heart that the right thing would be to have faith and believe we were provided for, I couldn't actually bring myself to say it out loud, let alone let myself believe it. I struggled. I felt so alone. I couldn't feel God's comforting presence, but still I hoped.

I had to go out later on in the morning, and on the way home I was still feeling so isolated and lonely. At one point I was even debating with myself whether God was real at all, or if he was just something my mind had created or allowed to exist, something to blame external occurances on just so I wouldn't go insane. Eventually I came to the conclusion that whether or not God was real, I would never be able to escape from Him, because He is such an integral part of my life.

So, having established that God was in fact real and that I agreed with myself about His existence, how could I then reconcile that with the weight on my shoulders about the miracle that was supposed to have happened on Sunday?

And why was it so difficult to get a job this time round? The last few jobs I've had have practically fallen in my lap.

So. After all that angst, Monday started to get better. I chatted to Janet Green (I could FEEL the mental hugs over the phone); discovered that I'm eligible for Jobseekers Allowance (one weight off my shoulders) and discovered that we can have a sort of payment holiday on our mortgate (for which we are currently 2 payments behind...); and I also had a call from Forsyths inviting me back for a 2nd interview. Hurrah!

All in all, I felt like an incredible amount of the weight had gone from my shoulders.

"Cast your cares on Him for He cares for you." I need to write that SO big somewhere.

It was still raining on Tuesday morning. The rain started Saturday evening, and was still going. I stood in the kitchen, wondering at how beautiful everything looked with the rain dripping off branches, and God said to me, "The dry season is over. Now it's going to Rain." It might have been a fairly obvious statement, but I know how God uses where we are to speak directly to us. Our dry season is over. We have been faithful throughout, with our tithes and offerings, whether financial or othewise, and God knows that.

And now it's going to rain blessings.