Life with Ben

I spent today sick in bed, looking after Ben. He was really good for the most part, I think he appreciated being able to feed whenever he wanted. I was really quite glad that I chose to breastfeed him! It was tough though: today he decided that every single nappy would be pooey, and he would also require a change of clothes from poo. Not easy changing nappies when you're getting stomach cramps and throwing up. Took me back to when we first got home with him, when I had The Headache, and how difficult things were then.

I managed 4 biscuits today, and a couple of half cups of tea. Thankfully when Steve came home he did a lot of entertaining Ben, gave me a break, and made tea - I used to HATE chicken kievs, they're still not high on my list of foods I will happily eat, but as Steve loves them we had some in. So, chicken kievs and a bit of pasta for tea, and it stayed down.

Ben has cluster-fed all day, being in bed with me that's not been difficult although it's given me backache from not being able to lie on my back very much! He only stopped at about 9pm when he finally fell asleep on me. Eventually we transferred him to Steve's shoulder where he stayed asleep until gone 11pm, and he's having his bottle as I type. By midnight we'll hopefully have turned in as well.

Today has been tough, not having someone around to help out with Ben, to entertain him, not being able to get up or even sit up much has been really annoying. When Steve was sick a couple of weeks back I looked after Ben but it doesn't really work the other way round - Steve can't just take the day off work to look after us.

I find I suddenly have a lot of respect for those who end up looking after babies and children completely on their own. I feel like I'm struggling a lot of the time, and yet I have a husband who does do a lot for us when he's home from work.

I guess, with this blog entry, I wanted to show that it's not all easy, it's not all wonderful: it's difficult and relentless and you can't just take a day off because you're sick. You can't hand them back when you don't know what you're doing any more. Babies are demanding, needy, helpless Things and even though they're SO annoying a lot of the time ....... I love Ben to bits and honestly sometimes I don't know why. But I do.

Steve's just looked over my shoulder and noted that he - we - would do anything for Ben. And pointed out that I'd probably do more for Ben than I would for him...... I hope he knows how much I love him!

Bedtime. Praise God.