Great is Thy Faithfulness

Coming home has been a bit weird, and not at all how I expected it to be. I was expecting to feel odd and sort of disconnected, as if I didn't really belong here. I was expecting to feel really out of place and lost and swamped at Kings Church. I was expecting my house to feel like it belonged to somebody else, and that I would feel a little uncomfortable being there.

So many negative expectations... and I repent! I'm sorry!

I have already had to rebuke myself for being lazy - yesterday the old habit to get the number 11 bus back from the forum to my house was so strong I didn't even think about it. And as I stood at the bus stop waiting, I rebuked myself for being lazy and walked home (and beat the bus). One day back in Wythenshawe, and I was so nearly back in the old habitual ways of being lazy.

Makes me wonder if there's something that needs praying about specifically, a spirit of laziness in this area. That's something to think about if you're reading this, and definitely something to pray about.

Back to the negative expectations. Looking back, I'm wondering what I was thinking. I get the feeling that some of it at least was real. It's made me really notice and appreciate so much more the feeling of belonging and being home. I have not felt odd and disconnected, in fact something one person said to me was that I fitted in so naturally. Somebody else said that I looked so confident, so secure in who I am (and who I am within my marriage, because it was in the context of me being at church without Steve).

I have not felt lost and swamped at Kings Church! I have been hugged by so many people over the course of the weekend, been able to talk to so many, renewed a lot of connections and really feel like I have come home. To be able to just let go of me and lose myself in praise on sunday morning was just what I needed. And it was wonderful, to feel God moving in me and enjoying this adoration as much as I was. I was so thankful, so grateful, that God had brought me home.

Incredibly (and I was really not expecting this) my house feels like I could move back in today. It was tempting to stay there last night after being in the house all day, but there's still a lot of my things still at mum and dad's house so I sensibly went back to their place! (Big thankyou to the girls - Ee-Reh, Becky and Vicky, who have looked after our house really well!)

When we left to go to Finland last July, I was so tired - I really needed some peace and quiet, some place to reflect and to meditate and to live peacefully for a time. I believe that it's completely in line with God's ways of teaching us and leading us, that for a time we need the incredible atmosphere that I associate with Kings, and to be able to completely let go of ourselves and lose ourselves in worship and adoration of God; but sometimes God knows that we need quietness in our lives, to be able to reflect more and learn on a one-on-one basis of who He is. And I feel extremely priviledged to have been selected for that one-on-one teaching and leading. I feel like I have grown more as a daughter in God this past year than I have any other single year that I can remember. And now I'm here in Manchester, and ready for Year 2 of being in God's Training School!!

Praise God for His faithfulness. His mercies are new every morning, so great is His faithfulness.