Yesterday I heard two really good lessons. The first, given by Richard, was along similar lines to something God's been reminding me of over the year - that we should be a God-fearing people. As I walk through my life, it can be really easy for me to chatter away to God about what I'm doing, what I'm thinking, how mad I am at something, how grateful I am for something. Then at other times I could be in the apartment, watching the rain thundering down outside, amazed at God's creation. But to really fear God... that was something that I've not thought about so much. That if I fear my God (our God) to the extent to which He deserves, then the rest of the world really does pale into insignificance. What have I got to fear? My fears are nothing compared to the power of God. I need to remember that more often.

The second lesson was in the evening: I went to Reach (part of the Manchester Vineyard). We were told about how God is a God of the 11th Hour, or the Last Minute. (Or in the case of Lazarus, the 11th hour plus something like 96 more hours, because he'd been dead 4 days already.) How often has God provided at the last minute? The examples we were given (to name but a few) were Abraham being provided with a ram at the last minute (knife poised), the widow being provided with oil and flour as she was preparing her last meal, Lazarus being raised from the dead. The point of these illustrations was to show that God wants the world to see His power. It's for His glory. If we only need a little, He can only give a little. If we need a lot, He can give so much more abundantly and so much more obviously - and the glory goes to Him!

The God of the Last Minute, our awesome God, a God to be feared and revered.

My God is with me always, He has promised me that. There are so many testimonies I can give to that, and my prayer is that I continue to grow in that promise - that I never forget that He is with me, and I start remembering to ask the question: do you want to give your life to Jesus?

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Coming home has been a bit weird, and not at all how I expected it to be. I was expecting to feel odd and sort of disconnected, as if I didn't really belong here. I was expecting to feel really out of place and lost and swamped at Kings Church. I was expecting my house to feel like it belonged to somebody else, and that I would feel a little uncomfortable being there.

So many negative expectations... and I repent! I'm sorry!

I have already had to rebuke myself for being lazy - yesterday the old habit to get the number 11 bus back from the forum to my house was so strong I didn't even think about it. And as I stood at the bus stop waiting, I rebuked myself for being lazy and walked home (and beat the bus). One day back in Wythenshawe, and I was so nearly back in the old habitual ways of being lazy.

Makes me wonder if there's something that needs praying about specifically, a spirit of laziness in this area. That's something to think about if you're reading this, and definitely something to pray about.

Back to the negative expectations. Looking back, I'm wondering what I was thinking. I get the feeling that some of it at least was real. It's made me really notice and appreciate so much more the feeling of belonging and being home. I have not felt odd and disconnected, in fact something one person said to me was that I fitted in so naturally. Somebody else said that I looked so confident, so secure in who I am (and who I am within my marriage, because it was in the context of me being at church without Steve).

I have not felt lost and swamped at Kings Church! I have been hugged by so many people over the course of the weekend, been able to talk to so many, renewed a lot of connections and really feel like I have come home. To be able to just let go of me and lose myself in praise on sunday morning was just what I needed. And it was wonderful, to feel God moving in me and enjoying this adoration as much as I was. I was so thankful, so grateful, that God had brought me home.

Incredibly (and I was really not expecting this) my house feels like I could move back in today. It was tempting to stay there last night after being in the house all day, but there's still a lot of my things still at mum and dad's house so I sensibly went back to their place! (Big thankyou to the girls - Ee-Reh, Becky and Vicky, who have looked after our house really well!)

When we left to go to Finland last July, I was so tired - I really needed some peace and quiet, some place to reflect and to meditate and to live peacefully for a time. I believe that it's completely in line with God's ways of teaching us and leading us, that for a time we need the incredible atmosphere that I associate with Kings, and to be able to completely let go of ourselves and lose ourselves in worship and adoration of God; but sometimes God knows that we need quietness in our lives, to be able to reflect more and learn on a one-on-one basis of who He is. And I feel extremely priviledged to have been selected for that one-on-one teaching and leading. I feel like I have grown more as a daughter in God this past year than I have any other single year that I can remember. And now I'm here in Manchester, and ready for Year 2 of being in God's Training School!!

Praise God for His faithfulness. His mercies are new every morning, so great is His faithfulness.