a 3-legged stool

One of my close friends sent me this in an email the other day. I thought it spoke so perfectly of how our heart should be!

Think about a three legged stool. It can not be sat properly

or effective on unless all the legs are there and same length.

I learnt that if we are striving to chase God more than

anything else, we will loose out on relationships and the

love that God brings through relationships and that God

wants us to be with others. We can also focus too much on

others to fill the gap inside of us, which distances us

from God and also we can forget ourselves and become a

people pleaser. If we focus too much on our self then we

could become too self absorbed and worship our self and do

things in our own strength for our own glory. So God wants

us to have a balance in all this areas to be complete..

to be at peace with him , others and our self.

As well as peace, Shalom means to complete.

God's amazing. He doesn't want our outer life to be divided up like a pie, with one slice of the pie marked "spiritual life". He's interested in ALL of us, every single part of our life. He wants to see our heart balanced, so we can learn to...

Love the right thing,

At the right time,

To the right degree,

With the right kind of love.

Change

Can I change? Can the identity I call my "self" change? I got thinking about this after talking to various people, who are convinced that people can be so set in their ways that they have lost the ability to change.

But I for one hope that I can change. There are things in my character that I know still aren't right, and I know that one day they'll be dealt with.

The Bible says I can change. In fact, it commands it. "Be transformed by the renewing of your minds" (Romans 12:2). That doesn't sound like just a suggestion to me. So not only is it possible, but it's commanded of us! I suspect also that a "transformation" is much more than a little makeover. "Be transformed" - be made totally different. Be changed, completely.

But how many of us actually want to be changed? Or even see change as a necessary thing?

Do we realise how much of us isn't like Jesus? Do we accept that we need to change? Do we believe it's even possible?

Is it that, we as Christians, find it harder to accept that we can change, than a murderer who has found Jesus, or a drug addict who overcomes their addiction through Jesus' love, or an alcoholic who finds Jesus and a new will to live?

Do we think that Jesus doesn't have time for our character flaws, doesn't bother with our "small" needs, that He's more concerned with the "greater" needs of addicts and murderers? No. A murderer gave his life to Jesus while they hung, dying, at Calvary. That should tell us, should affirm to us, that nothing is impossible for God. Nothing is too hard for God.

Not that he doesn't care about the needs of those who consider themselves as "better" than murderers!

"All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)

You can imagine a scale, reaching from down here on earth, right up to the heavens. God is at the top of that scale of "goodness". We are ALL down here on earth. By comparision, all humans are on the same level.

I suspect that if we were perfect, the earth would no longer be able to hold us here...

We, by comparision to God, are no better than thieves, rapists, murderers, addicts. We all fall short, and we all need to change. Praise God that we are saved by the blood of Jesus, that we have a hope!

But we must believe that we can change. We must have faith for it!

If we say that somebody can't change, that they are stuck in their ways, then we are disregarding what the Bible says and our unbelief can stop Jesus from affecting a change in that person.

We need to believe what the Bible says, that we can be transformed - changed completely - by the power of God, our Living God.

Nothing is impossible for God.

And it's not by our own strength that this change happens. "Not by strength, nor by might, but by My power," says the Lord. God can change us. He can make us see who we are supposed to be in Him. He shows us what parts of us are lies. He shows us that we can change. And then, He changes us.

We are no longer who we were, who the world made us. We become who God intended us to be. And who better for us to be!

Yesterdays

I've just been and had a look at the display of handicraft here at the Culture Centre. It's pretty impressive. I kinda wish I'd been more aware of what was on offer, there were pieces of stained glass and other glass-work, dressmaking, feltmaking, so much art and craft that my little skirts seemed to fade into the background even though I was so proud of them! There was just so much more than I realised.

Yesterday was my last Finnish lesson. We had a little party, and ate food, and tried to converse in Finnish - some of my classmates were definitely more competent at it than me - and we were all a little sad at the end. We've exchanged email addresses, and I hope we keep in touch, at the very least for as long as we're here in Iisalmi! But the whole thing has got me thinking about going home, and my hopes and fears in that. I actually had cravings for England yesterday, which made Steve laugh. (So far, only sausage rolls...)

And I got a surprise at the youth band practice. Hanna wants me to learn and sing a song (in Finnish) that no-body else wants to master. She played it me on a CD and my first reactions were disbelief, shock, is she mad? But I think I'm conquering it. There's some difficult words, and an even trickier melody, and I've got to really sing this one in a way as to be able to completely convince people that I totally understand what it's saying. But it feels a bit weird, that no-body else can or wants to try and sing this song - so they get the foreigner to try?! Well, it's certainly made me rise to the challenge...

Oh yes, and a little footnote... we had another snowstorm today. Very very strange.

pictures of freedom

i wanted to write down a picture i had, about freedom.

i was lying in bed on saturday night, thinking about Easter Sunday. the choir was going to sing, and i was playing bass, and i wondered what it would take for the girls in the choir to really feel free. isn't that what Easter is about, anyway? freedom?

but then i started dreaming or daydreaming or something.

i was in a huge building. i knew all of the corridors, all of the rooms, i knew where everything went and where everything lived. this was my life. my whole life. and this was my prison.

and then, suddenly, one day, i wasn't there any more. i was outside. somebody had opened the door and let me out. and outside it was a beautiful sunny day, and as far as i could see there was grass and plains. so beautiful. then i realised i couldn't go back inside, because the door was locked. i was stuck, in freedom. the walls of the building i knew so well were very high - no chance of me climbing back in, and the door was tough and strong, no chance of me breaking it down. i was outside, and that was that. i had been freed, and suddenly freedom was scary.

so i started building a fence in my new freedom, a little fence to make me feel safer. i still wanted to be in control of my freedom, and wanted boundaries that would make me feel comfortable. my fences were very nice.

but i'd put myself back in a prison, this time of my own making. i'd also refused God's offer of true freedom, and made pointless the suffering He went through on the Cross.

then God showed me what true freedom was, how it felt, and why He wanted me to be free. suddenly i was running across the plains, like wild horses run - for the sheer joy of it! breathing, living, excited, ALIVE. and all for the sheer joy of it! i realised freedom wasn't something to be scared of, it was something to relish, to enjoy, to live in, to breathe in and out in, to just BE in. and i loved the running, the feeling of breathlessness that comes with the sheer exuberance of living and breathing and being alive.

so wonderful!

after thinking about this most of the night, i started thinking how it related to praise, and why we praise God. so many songs that we sing say something along the lines of "we praise You for what You have done" but i never really dwell on what it is that He has done. so what has God done? He has set us free, given us the opportunity to really be free, to run and breathe and live and be really truly alive. we praise God first and foremost because He is worth it. we praise His name, and we give thanks because He has set us free. i'm so grateful that here there is no law against praising God, that i'm allowed to praise in freedom from the state.

praise God, i'm free!

what jeni did

there's a couple of posts below with pictures of the fabric i've been painting over the last week or so, but i realised that i've not really updated from finland for a while.

i guess the biggest thing is that it's still snowing.

yes, in april. we're gonna have easter with snow!! how weird will that be...

the PA in church is up and running, except now the mixing desk is dying a slow a painful death. which means an opportunity to buy a new one! hurrah! we also now have foldback. now THAT's gonna be fun. it works, although one of the mixer channels doesn't work :( so we only have one foldback mix. but hopefully it will help the various music groups that sing at church.

it was great on monday night, i have been coerced into playing bass on sunday with the choir (so no mic for me) and i was right next to a foldback speaker, the guitar amp, the piano and with the choir behind me so i was able to sing my heart out. i love the freedom that i feel when i can really sing out like that :) and when i spoke to steve later, i asked whether he could hear my voice through the sound, and he could still! he was pleased that i was actually singing like i could, rather than holding back. and i'm pleased, because i'm singing another part to the choir so even though i won't have a microphone, the congregation will still hear my part.

more pics

this is what i did while i was learning about fabric graphics. fabric for 2 skirts! the pink background was the first part (that was so much fun) and then learning how to create stencils and using the right goo to stencil on the patterns. hurrah- and now i have 2 summer skirts, plus a matching pink bag :) - pictures later once my model has a free day and it's stopped snowing so we can take pictures in the sunshine!

pictures of fabric graphics

this is what i've been doing today in the basement at church :) - i've been having fun! my friend Salla came along too, and we spent a couple of hours painting the backgrounds for some banners for church. i've only just learnt how to do this, so to be asked to use my new skill for church is great!



























































this one is a large 2x3m banner for the front of church, i stencilled the cross on today. it'll be up there hanging on Easter sunday!















and this is the beginning of a pastel piece for one of the pastors and his wife, Charles and Paula. they have been such great friends to us while we've been here in Iisalmi, andi wanted to give something back to them.

radical Christians

maybe I'll talk about what radical means.
radical comes from the word "root". so, to be a radical Christian you need to be rooted. rooted in what? rooted in the Word of God, and rooted in your faith in Jesus as your Saviour. once you are firmly rooted, you have all the nourishment you need, drawing from the deep wells of God's grace and mercy and love, to be a "radical" "out there" passionate living Christian!

why do i have a second blog, and what am i going to write about...

what to write about. so many things happen on a daily basis. saturday i spent most of the day here at Genelec on the internet, sunday we went skiing, today i've been doing my english tutoring, and now i'm killing time waiting for cake. mmm cake.

why do i have a second blog, and what am i going to write about...

what to write about. so many things happen on a daily basis. saturday i spent most of the day here at Genelec on the internet, sunday we went skiing, today i've been doing my english tutoring, and now i'm killing time waiting for cake. mmm cake.

back home ... where is home anyway

so for those of you who followed that link, yes i still exist on blogspot and maybe one day i will move back here!

jen's wonderful words of wisdom

yesterday's amazingly intelligent comment was:
"eee it's cold when you take all your clothes off....."

i have moved!

I just thought I'd better put a note on here that I have moved, here's my new home...

tanssijajeni

Singing with the Halle

I sang with the Halle Choir in my first concert last Saturday! It was amazing... we sang Brahms' Song of Destiny, and then I went and found Stephen and sat with him for the second half of the performance, to listen to Bruckner's 7th Symphony, which was absolutely amazing. Random fact from my dad: apparently the tune to "Don't Cry for me Argentina" was inspired by this piece of music. Well we all looked wonderful in our concert dresses, they definitely look better en masse and certainly better from a distance. Individually and close up, they are not particularly flattering... unfortunately, I've not yet got a picture of myself in said dress.
Woke up on Sunday morning, with no voice. And Monday morning, and this morning. Should have seen it coming really, after the last few rehearsals we've had, I've been really out of breath and dizzy, and have been straining to hit the higher notes. So, reckon I've got an infection of some sort. Coughing and aching generally, you know the feeling. Well praise God I had my voice for the concert, and I wasn't due to sing on Sunday either: playing keyboard isn't so hard if you've lost your voice - although trying to communicate with the other musicians and the PA is tricky.
Oh well.
Off work today, so am taking time to update dancerjen, and I ought to make an effort to finish my Key Skills stuff too, as it needs to be finished for tomorrow.
'nuff for now...

flames

our boiler gave up the ghost last saturday, so we've been making use of our store of wood that has been taking up space in the garden. today the new boiler is being fitted, so i took some pictures of the flames last night - they were very beautiful, and i was poorly, and i was very pleased with myself that i'd got the fire going myself and had managed to keep it fed all evening.

my front room

thought i'd take some photos of our front room, you know, for posterity. the front room has looked specifically like this since october 28th (which, coincidentally, was my birthday). the main point of these photos is to prove to myself in years to come that i really did have a piano in my front room, and my parents really did get all the hints i'd been dropping for several months run-up to my birthday! my dad phoned us at 7.15am on the 28th, saying it might be an idea to get dressed 'cos the piano was currently at the front door on its way out of their house. which meant it would be about 15 minutes before it arrived at my house. sure enough, i'd only just managed to get dressed, when the piano movers turned up at half past seven in the morning, on my day off, on my birthday: the earliest i'd managed to get up all week. but hey! there was a piano on its way into my house! what a cool birthday present.

night lights and street lights

these are some pictures i took the other night, having discovered about exposure times and stuff. small beginnings - watch this space! the locations are probably oxford roda, manchester (taken from outside the BBC building) and what could possibly be portland street, i say possibly, because i don't actually know, but they were taken from outside piccadilly station so they are from that vicinity!

Bobby's name is Bobby!!!! I saw him again today on King Street and asked him his name, somehow I'd got it in my head that he was called Lee, so we had a laugh about that. Maybe he looks like a Lee. I don't know!

I worked another 30mins over again tonight, that's as well as the hour I did yesterday. Didn't mean to though!! But it was useful, I got all the bits done that I needed to, and Steve's train from Salford was late anyway. So we got the 18:02 back to Gatley together, Steve had bought a burger and chips from Burger King so we ate that on the train. I hate people who eat burgers and chips on the train, I think it stinks and it makes everyone else hungry which isn't fair. But how can I hate myself for it? So I will have to amend my attitude towards the other people who eat fast food on the train. Maybe they aren't going home, and have to eat on the go. Maybe they are like me and are diabetic and are running really low on carbohydrates and need something to wolf down 'cos they're really hungry. Whatever. Who am I to judge.

We were going to go out later for somebody's birthday, but I needed a bath and then Steve got a phone call from Anthony who had been out drinking with people from work and was in a bad state and needed picking up and taking home. (This is at 8pm, by the way. 8pm.) Poor lad. Steve had to keep pulling over to let him throw up out of the car. Got him home and had to peel him off the ground 'cos he fell over and couldn't get up, got to the front door and couldn't open it so Steve had to let him in, got half way up the stairs and collapsed so Ste decided he'd go. Shut the front door, locked it and puched the keys through the letterbox. I hope he's ok.

But after that it was too late to go out, so we had another earlyish night. I slept really well last night, the earplug (and the praying) must have worked. I will try it again tonight. goodnight!

Singing with the Halle is amazing. Even the altos on their own sound amazing. Even the alto part on its own of Brahm's Song of Destiny is amazing. I can't wait to hear us with the orchestra.

I have got home sooo late. The rehearsal finished at 9.15pm, the next train home which stopped at Gatley left at 9.30 from Piccadilly. I was never going to make that so I went to Oxford Rd station and there was a train waiting there that went through to Heald Green, so I decided to get that one. It was supposed to get into Heald Green at 9.50, and there was a train at 9.53 which I could get back to Gatley. Then I supposed I was going to walk, I don't think I had really thought that part through properly.

But my train was a minute or two late leaving Piccadilly, probably because the one that left on the same jounrney except stopping at every station 3 minutes earlier was a minute or two late also. Which meant that when I got to Heald Green, the 9.53 which would take me back to Gatley was just pulling in. Heald Green station has a footbridge: which was closed. So I ran all the way up to the road at the top of the ramp, and all the way back down to the other side, and got to the gate at the bottom just as the train started pulling out.

How depressing.

So I ended up at the Heald Green pub waiting for a taxi who said they'd be 10 minutes but took 20 minutes to arrive... I could have phoned Steve to collect me.

I could have phoned Steve!! It was 10 o'clock, and I thought, they'll still be at Cell group, they'll probably be praying around about now, I can't phone now. So when I saw him, and found out that they'd chatted all the way through Anthony doing the Word bit, and were kicked out at 9.30 anyway because everyone was shattered, I was a bit miffed to say the least.

Oh well. Time for bed. Hope I sleep well, I'm shattered too. I might put an earplug in to shut out Steve's snoring. G'night.

I met Steve for lunch today, we sat in Albert Square and ate our soup and sandwiches in the sunshine. By the time Steve had to go to catch his train it was raining...

Said hello to the vendor who stands on King Street, I'm sure I know his name (I'm sure he's told me before) but I can't remember it. He's always smiling. He's amazing, always smiling.

Have bought my copy of Handels' Messiah (Watkins Shaw edition... had to get it right) - it's huge!!! I'm glad we can have the music in front of us when we sing, I wouldn't like to have to memorise that.

I've asked Cell to pray for the Big Issue guys that I know, I'm not going to be able to get to Cell tonight as it's the alto sectional rehearsal at the Cosmo building of Manchester University. Don't know where that is, but I'm sure I'll find it eventually.

I have done so much filing today it is untrue. I think somebody has tidied their desk. (Tidied their desk = give everything to Jeni to sort out.)